


Missing

by NoveltyWrites



Series: Old Naruto Fics [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoveltyWrites/pseuds/NoveltyWrites
Summary: Gaara goes looking Naruto during his training journey after the end of the original Naruto series.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Old Naruto Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1660567
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	Missing

**Author's Note:**

> This is fucking ancient, written back in 2006. Some things don't work with the current canon, or they do. I dunno. I stopped watching Naruto right after the Pain arc.
> 
> Warning for teenagers sharing a kiss.

"He's not going to be there, you know."  
  
Gaara turned a cold glare on Temari that she had not seen in many blessed months. She felt the sting of it, wishing she didn't have to play the bad guy bearing the bad news. But there was no escaping the fact that Uzumaki Naruto was gone, though it seemed like her younger brother refused to accept it.  
  
Gaara merely turned and walked out the door, and no one followed him. There was no point - both she and Kankuro knew where he was going.

  
  
  
The sand did not disturb the dust that had gathered on the old knob as it picked the lock and eased the door ajar. Footfalls that felt too burdened and heavy to belong to a ninja dragged across the squeaky floorboards of the interior, sandals considerately left at the doorway. Though there didn't seem to be much need - Naruto wasn't there to appreciate it. His absence was all too evident in the bare, musty room filled with scents too old and stale but still painfully distinct as the blonde's own.  
  
Gaara noted the absence of the house plants. Apparently someone realized that they would be getting little care in an empty apartment and had moved them since the last time he had been here. The thought of someone other than himself invading the vulpine youth's private space made Gaara's blood run hot. No one else should have been allowed in Naruto's personal dwelling. No one could have cared enough to be worthy. All the people in this forsaken village continued to go about their lives as if nothing significant had changed. As if his absence didn't matter.  
  
Only Gaara cared. Only he sent out messenger birds to Leaf, craving word from the Hokage of any news of the Uzumaki's whereabouts. Only he strove to find an excuse to make the journey here every chance he had, hoping each time that Naruto would be there to greet him with that jubilant fox grin he always bore. As the days and months passed by, the need to see that grin grew ever more intense. While the world continued in it's mundane routines, only he stood still, waiting, unwilling to move forward until he could see him again just one more time.  
  
Though Naruto never made any promises to him those rare few times they encountered each other in the past, Gaara felt abandoned - lost. In one fell swoop, the blue eyed boy had knocked down the oppressively dark walls of loathing he possessed for every living thing, and had forcefully shoved him into the blinding world of light where feelings like devotion and love could be something more than a painful scar on his head and heart. He was exposed, naked in the face of his own guilt and desperate need to feel wanted and cared for. He wanted to turn around and search out the one who had brought him there, to pay him back for his interference, to make him take responsibility.  
  
But he was gone. Only a few months after their fateful confrontation, Naruto had left Leaf and Fire Country all together. Gaara resented it, as if he had run away from him personally, like so many others. He wanted to hate him for what he did, for crushing his reason for existing as a killing monster, for forcing him to see that someone with such a similar history of aloneness and ill-will could acquire precious people of his own. Sometimes, he succeeded in convincing himself that he did hate him, but it didn't help. It only made the need to see him that much stronger.  
  
Naruto didn't have much left in the apartment that he did not take with him when he left. All the cupboards were bare and the wardrobe emptied. But for some odd reason, he neglected to take a single framed photo, the only one in his possession - that of the kitsune vessel's squadron. Gaara often glanced at it for long periods of time whenever he came there, is if the captured faces staring back at him could offer him some answers. To leave a picture of his loved ones behind - what could it mean? Were they abandoned too?  
  
Gaara could only ponder and ascertain that Naruto indeed meant to home again. Even if Gaara was not precious to him, surely his team and sensei were? He did not like to consider the other option - that maybe Naruto meant to never return at all, leaving the past behind him just like that photograph. Gaara wouldn't allow it. Naruto had completely turned his world upside - he still had much to answer for.  
  
I owe you, Uzumaki Naruto. And I'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth to pay my debt.  
  
Nothing stirred in the empty apartment after that, save for the door closing and locking itself again as if no one had ever opened it.

  
  
  
It was months later, well into one of the worst dry spells in Wind Country's long history, when Gaara became suddenly aware of Naruto as never before, though his presence was but a echo in his consciousness. It hit him like a burning desert wind, scorching his mind, hot and tangy, reminding him of what Naruto's blood smelt like.  
  
There was no time to tell anyone where he went, in spite of the delicate timing with the impending nomination of the new Kazekage fast approaching. For the first time in a year, since before the failed invasion, Gaara simply did not think things through. He only acted, disappearing through the whipping torrents of dust into the sun browned wastes. He moved at a relentless pace, following the signature of energy he had felt long after it had faded, foreign in its inexplicable familiarity. Though he had only spoken with and fought him once, he could never forget that chakra, burning red in his mind's eye.  
  
Gaara had travelled a day and a night before he spied in the distance the signs that a great battle had taken place. A singed crater that smelt of blood and fox fire scarred the face of the land. He walked the length of it, his brow furrowed in focus as he attempted to discern what had happened there, and more importantly, where the combatants were at that moment. For there were no bodies to be found, though the scent of Naruto's burnt blood was still freshly pungent in the air. It was the first time the smell of it ever made his stomach turn.  
  
An oasis town stood visible not five miles away from the site. Finding no further clues beyond the fact that Naruto and someone else _had_ been there, and that one or both had been injured, he quickly resolved to search the landmark, and beyond, for however long it took. Resolution was necessary now - he would not leave without his answer.  
  
Gaara had guessed correctly, for as soon as he entered town, he spotted an inn which, upon questioning the proprietor, he learned that a middle aged white haired man and a fair haired boy had checked in only the day before. With further inquiry and persuasion, he learned of the location of their rooms and he wasted no time in seeking them out. He could feel him now, more clearly than the scent of a wound or even the feel of his chakra. So familiar, so impossibly intimate - liking sensing his own presence just beyond the threshold.  
  
Before he could finish raising his fist to knock, the door flew open, for one instant pulling the air around him _in_.  
  
"Wha.. Gaara..." was the greeting he received from his former enemy.  
  
Naruto had changed. In the year since he had last seen him, the vulpine shinobi appeared to have hit his first growth spurt as he now stood a little over equal height with himself, though the spiking tufts of blond hair made up most of the difference. He had become broader, leaner, as little by little baby fat was starting to give way to firmer flesh, making his jaw stand out in a more defined line as he worked over soundless words of surprise at his unexpected presence. Those blue eyes still shone with the sparkle of curiosity, though at the moment they seemed clouded, troubled. And focused directly onto his own.  
  
"What are you doing here? I mean - um, how did you find me?" Naruto quarried in bewilderment, as if he had not planned on ever seeing him, least of all in this fashion.  
  
Gaara could feel his heart seize, as if something were squeezing it. His eyes burned. His throat closed. Words were inadequate.  
  
Naruto blinked and chanced a quick glance into the room behind him before shutting it firmly and returning his gaze to the suna-nin. "You look like you wanna talk about something. Ero-sennin's still recovering from...er, well, anyway, we'd best go somewhere else."  
  
The sand was the only layer of defence he had against the sudden seizing of his hand, pulling, tingling, _agonizing_ , leading him away into where he knew not, nor did he care even after the sound of a door closing behind him filtered into his perception. Because he was still clasping his hand, shaking, firm, sharp and acute. As if the memory of his skin wasn't still fresh on his brow - forehead to forehead, striking him blind. He had to forcefully remove his hand from Naruto's grasp.  
  
Naruto faced him, appearing pale, his continence flustered as he seemed to struggle over how to break the uneasy tension that was steadily building between them. "Sorry. You kind of startled me - to find you just standing out there like a statue.. _Ano sa_..." He rubbed the back of his head and slipped into a familiar grin that seemed completely out of place. "What's up, Gaara? How've ya been?"  
  
Gaara felt his lips thin, twitching into a half sneer. Was that all he was going to say to him, after all this time? There was no meaning behind these questions - why Gaara was there didn't matter. More importantly, what was _Naruto_ doing there in the first place? Where had he gone, and why did he have to leave to begin with? All these questions and more made a tumult of his contemplation; so much so that he scarcely could find a place where to begin an interrogation.  
  
Naruto looked awkward, but too strained to even bother blushing. "Um, you know, in a conversation, there are normally two people talking, you know, _together_ , and not just one person yapping into the breeze." He did not chuckle at the lameness of his own comment. "Seriously. Was there something you wanted from me?"  
  
Finally Gaara reacted, and violently. Naruto could have only had time to see his mouth curl into a snarl before he was thrust up against the door, ivory hands fisting in the front of his black shirt, partially exposing the bandages underneath. Naruto gasped and latched onto Gaara's wrists, as if he meant to disengage them, though the red haired youth could feel no strength in his fingers. In any event, there was no way Gaara intended to let him go before he was ready.  
  
"How dare you," Gaara's voice shook like that rest of him. He could not force himself to look Naruto in the eye. "How _dare_ you..."  
  
Naruto looked only slightly surprised. The confusion that marked him, however, quickly evolved into offence. "Here's some hello. What's with you? I don't think I've done anything to you to deserve _this_ from you, Gaara." He struggled only half heartedly against his hold, and Gaara was stunned to realize just how weak the golden haired shinobi truly was. The stench of singed blood was stronger now, permeating his whole being. Gaara could see it, flaked and black under Naruto's fingernails.  
  
"Done nothing to me?" Gaara chuckled darkly, bitterly. "On the contrary. You've done _everything_ to me."  
  
The leaf-nin peered down at the tanuki vessel, and it seemed to Gaara that the boy was having trouble keeping his eyes open from fatigue. "I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Oh, yes you do," Gaara uttered cuttingly. "You think you can do what you have done to me, taking away any meaning my existence might have had before we met, and then still dream that you can run away whenever you like and avoid facing me?"  
  
Naruto did not seem moved by the abrupt, rough handling he was receiving. The childish indignation fled his face, until all that remained was a blank, tired stare. His lack of reaction only seemed to inflame Gaara further. "How could you do it? You left and never said a word." He shook the blonde to punctuate his words. "How could you?"  
  
"Would it have made a difference, if I had told you where - why - I was going to go?" Naruto asked serenely.  
  
Gaara tensed, as if waiting for a blow.  
  
"Of course, because you knew all along why I went missing," Naruto continued quietly, staring ahead as if looking through some distant window. "Only you can't accept it."  
  
Gaara hissed through his teeth and slammed the fox vessel harder against the door. "Damn you, Uzumaki! God _damn_ you!"  
  
The hands that rested on his wrists moved slowly, fluidly, down the length of Gaara's arms to finger the fabric at his shoulders. It was painful beyond words - such a languid touch, aching, sure, _as if he had any right_ \- but Gaara endured it with a masochistic fear and need.  
  
"How was I to know that it would matter to you?" Naruto sighed, relaxed - _infuriatingly_ relaxed, as if there were no very real danger. "What do you want me to say to you?"  
  
Gaara did not trust himself to speak.  
  
"I had to leave. And you know the reason why. Because I need to get stronger. I need to save Sa-"  
  
"I'm going to kill you here," the red haired youth said very matter-of-factly, his voice finding its custom steadiness at last.  
  
Naruto's hands had found the nape of his neck, warm even through a thin layer of sand. Burning fingers swiped over his pulse to wipe the rough substance away. "You don't need to kill me, Gaara. Just ask me."  
  
His tongue was like sandpaper in his mouth.  
  
"Do you want me to come back?"  
  
"Damn you," Gaara wanted to recoil from his assuming touch. His arms were locked at the joints - the only thing holding the blond up by this time. He couldn't move.  
  
"Gaara, you can ask me," Naruto peered down at his counterpart with that god blasted look of empathy and understanding - he couldn't bear that look. It saw too clearly, too deep. "Trust me."  
  
Then the strength was completely gone from his limbs and they sagged, bringing his azure eyed foil to eye level, close - so close. "I hate you."  
  
"Try again." Those terrifying hands were tracing his scalp, red hair bleeding through his fingers so softly.  
  
"What have you done to me?" Gaara asked in a growing despair that he laboured in vain to conceal.  
  
"Wrong question." Naruto's breath on his cheeks. It was so hard, so hard to just to _breathe_. "Just ask me. Do you want me back?"  
  
" _Oh_ , I _hate_ you so much-"  
  
He kissed him once, chastely, wetting his dry lips, like rain on a desert, like being able to breathe again. He kissed him, and Gaara waited for the blind whiteness of his fear to overtake him with the touch - only to find Naruto still there, smiling and welcoming. Naruto was to blame. It was his fault - all of it. So this was only right. It was time he atoned.

  
  
  
Rain wasn't an often anticipated phenomenon within the dry, wind swept dunes and eroded cliffs of the desert in which Kazekuni nested. And when rain came, often it was barely worthy of noting. Meek clouds rolling in to sputter out warm torrents of tears that just as quickly evaporated before ever meeting the ever parched ground. Then the sun would return hot and irate from the audacity of such a piteous attempt to reprieve the land of its torment by heat, which was his by right. The clouds, scolded, would shrivel up like figs never given a chance to fully ripen, and would disappear just as quietly as they appeared, while the land remained never the wiser of their coming.  
  
However, it was not always so. Like now, it had began to shower upon the desert, rare and wet and real. In this instance, the rain actually succeeded in quenching the parched ground, the dusty land drinking it in like nature's kisses, greedy and thirsty for more. It was warm and slick and pure and _life_. It was almost too much, so unused to the attention was this sun beaten land. The showering clouds had to be gentle, patient, coaxing it to accept its offering. The land could not deny its need, and in the end the earth grew soft, cool, and relieved. And this was only right too.  
  
Gaara watched it all as he continued his journey back to the village of his birth. He cared not how it soaked him through, but rather welcomed its cleansing caress on his skin, which went uncovered this once. Hands in his pockets, he fingered the note which Naruto had left with him after they had parted only a day ago. He had been charged not to open it until he was well away from the oasis town. He had been reluctant, more so than shame should have deemed appropriate. But he did leave, if only to prove that the world _didn't_ revolve around the rise and fall of Naruto's cotton covered chest under his ear, around the beat of the heart that he craved absolute possession of. He left as a matter of pride, self-preservation, and the realization that if Naruto could not feel the violent emotions he felt, he would rather have the inevitable parting be over and done with.  
  
Now, coming to a slow halt even in the pelting lukewarm rain, he debated the wisdom of even opening the letter at all. In spite of his earlier resolve, absolution was no longer what he desired. There could be no suppressing such a strong feeling, nor did he desire to have it extinguished. For now he understood Naruto's attachment to his precious people. This was what it was like to live - to truly live, and to breathe, and to _be_. Because Naruto was precious to him, damaging and addicting, a necessary dependence. Would it be wise, then, to look upon a letter that had all the potential of crushing all his hopes forever?  
  
_Trust me_.  
  
Gaara opened the note and read it under the downpour:  
  
  
_Gaara,  
  
Where to start?... I hope by the time you read this that you are able understand your emotions more clearly. You told me many times how much you hated me while we were together. I never thought the word would make me so happy. Because I know what you really meant. And no wonder that you have confused what you were feeling with 'hate'. It's such a thin line anyway, between that emotion and that of... well, it's written right there on your forehead, isn't it? You really should know by now. It is _your _heart, after all.  
  
And, just so you know, you have mine as well.  
  
Yours,  
  
Naruto_  
  
  
Gaara almost stopped breathing again as he hastily tucked the precious letter back into his pocket, but not before catching the post script scrawled hastily on the bottom.  
  
_I **will** come back._  
  
And it was only right, after all. Gaara of the Desert allowed himself his first real smile as he continued on his way. He was resigned to missing him for a while longer, but it was all right. Because he promised to come back. And that would give them plenty of time afterwards to repay each other's debts.

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone didn't get it, the energy Gaara felt was that of Naruto turning into the four tailed fox for the first time, where Jiraiya gets injured and almost killed. Naruto is still weakened from the damaging chakra when Gaara confronts him and that's why Gaara smells burnt blood (because... you know... Naruto gets covered in his own blood when the Fox's chakra consumes him). But I'm sure you all knew that.


End file.
